And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
