did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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