To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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