So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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