well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
