My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize