I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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