tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
