I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
