You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
