I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
