Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
