i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
