i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
