I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
