I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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