We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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