and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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