and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
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