the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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