More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
