Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Randomize
