I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
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