Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
