No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
