i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
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