Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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