my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
