All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
