Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
