6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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