i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize