The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
