did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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