well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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