We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
