ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.