just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Randomize
