Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
These 19 Teachers Had Very Inappropriate Interactions With Students
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Women Confess 25 Instant Deal-Breakers On A Man’s Dating Profile
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?