he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.