just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
These 27 C*ck Blocks Are Savage AF
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE