Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
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We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
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Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped