i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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