Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Randomize