I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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