thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I can't put those talents on a resume
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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