And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
