my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Randomize
