I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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