Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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