i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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