She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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