Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Randomize
