Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
