I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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