Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
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