soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
