her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
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