dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I need a beard to bite.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize