I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
