NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
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Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
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Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
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