3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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