Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
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