Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
it's like heaven, but drunker
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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